Rebirth ✨

I was born and raised in Dominica and lived there till I was about 18 years old. Then in 2017 my mother relocated to Antigua for work and being the mother’s girl that I am I quickly followed her a few months after. In Dominica, I was in control of everything and I was 100% unapologetically myself. This was the country where I felt the most at peace with myself and the friends I had there made me feel like I was the best person in their lives. Upon moving to Antigua I immediately felt like a fish out of water. My bubbly nature was quickly replaced with a more reserved and less flamboyant one as I never really knew how to act around many of my peers. The Iyka that many Antiguans knew and the Iyka that Dominicans knew were two completely different Iykas and I was unable to let the true Iyka shine or at the very least, conjoin them. I had moved to a completely different country with no family except my mom and brother; no friends; and not to mention a week after leaving home my country got devastated by Hurricane Maria. I had expected it to be difficult in the beginning because, let’s be real, I was the new kid in a completely new environment but my personality was one that allowed me to make friends and get comfortable very easily, however that never happened. Dominica Iyka shone through effortlessly and she assumed her full element, whilst Antigua Iyka tried as much as possible to focus on spending time with her mother to distract herself from her crippling loneliness.

I know I’m not the only person who sometimes feel like they’re watching the movie of their life as a viewer in a cinema; or who sometimes feel that with every passing day they become more disconnected from who they thought they were and just can’t seem to find their way back to that person. What if I told you that maybe a disconnection is necessary to establish a stronger reconnection? What we must always remember is that we are not stagnant; every experience; every interaction; every friendship has some impact on who we are as people and how we think. We were never designed to remain the same way throughout our lives. As a matter of fact, if throughout your life you haven’t altered a particular behavioral pattern or way of thinking at least once then that indicates that you aren’t truly growing as a person. In Dominica I was irresponsible and the continuous presence of a safety net made me careless as I knew I would always be caught regardless of what I did or how it negatively impacted persons. I took many friends for granted because I knew that they would either always forgive me for my toxic behavior or that I would make new ones. My loneliness in Antigua forced me to realize that there are some persons who are truly IRREPLACEABLE and it was then I appreciated the friends I had even more. Relying on myself as my main friend forced me to undergo deep introspection as to the toxic behaviors that I had nurtured in Dominica and that introspection facilitated a more mature, responsible and less temperamental individual. Antigua forced me to accept the painful transition of loneliness and self doubt as a shedding and reformative process where I was able to merge Dominica Iyka and Antigua Iyka. Overtime I began to regain the parts of myself that I had suppressed in Antigua, whilst simultaneously applying the growth garnered from that suppression. So now instead of having Antigua Iyka and Dominica Iyka I just became IYKA.

Always remember my darlings change is imminent and the process of growth WILL get lonely but the finished product will be worth it- I promise! Conversely, always ensure that this transformative period is one which changes you for the better as the lines between growth and self destruction can be easily blurred. So to everyone who has been feeling like they’ve somehow lost themselves, remind yourself that in the process of self discovery you will be placed under pressure and it is that constant application of force that produces the most beautiful diamonds. So chins7 up my darlings, you’re on your way to a better YOU and I couldn’t be prouder! 😘✨