Reaffirm ✨

When I was a little girl my parents always drilled in me that I was beautiful and that once I believed I was beautiful no one would be able to take that away from me. Well, they lied; or maybe they didn’t but they definitely downplayed the complexities of the issue of self- esteem and I came to realize that in high school. I always looked forward to puberty because I was eagerly awaiting the enlarged assets that so many of my friends were boasting about but somehow I only seemed to get the negative side effects- the most prevalent and stubborn one being acne. I can vividly recall wearing bangs from 3rd-5th form and all throughout college in an attempt to mask the unwelcomed village of pimples and dark spots that dwelled on my forehead. I often dreaded going to any extended family gatherings or wanting to leave my room when visitors were around because I knew I would be greeted with the question “What happen to your face?”. Every time I heard that question my chest would immediately tighten and I would feel uglier with each encounter. I frequently avoidedeye contact when speaking to persons and would often pretend I was busy so that I never had to put them through the pain of watching me for extended periods of conversation. The constant feeling of loathsomeness and worthlessness caused me to feel like I was never good enough for ANYTHING regardless of how far removed they were from my skin condition. The way I viewed myself physically began influencing all aspects of my self-confidence- I was always afraid to meet new people, explore other interests, apply for internships as there was the ever present voice in my head telling me that I wasn’t smart enough or pretty enough for the opportunity. It was only after going through an intense year and a half on a prescriptive drug that I began to see real changes in my skin which then began to bolster my self-confidence. Whilst grateful that my skin had improved, I was disappointed that it took a drastic change in my appearance to make me feel like I was beautiful again because it therefore meant that I completely disregarded the inner beauty I possessed.

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For others, it may not be acne but it may be a lisp, or large eyes or nose, or any other insecurity that make us feel truly ugly. We have been conditioned into nitpicking and accentuating the most minor of flaws and allowing it to dictate how we live our lives.  We compare ourselves to the edited, retouched, and enhanced pictures of models on social media and immediately begin to downplay our self-worth for failing to reach such idealistic standards. Until we learn to accept that “beauty” is not based on others’ standards but rather on our own we will never achieve the self confidence that we crave. The concept of beauty should not solely be outward based but should include the manner in which we treat others; it is only then that true beauty can be measured. Now don’t get me wrong there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to improve on an aspect of your physique in a safe and healthy way but self-demoralization arises when we begin to insult ourselves and fail to recognize that we are innately beautiful based on who we are as people. When you truly begin to recognize your inner beauty you then begin to see yourself in a more positive light which eventually applies outwardly. Solearn to love yourself for YOU; focus on improving the kindness of your hearts and recognize that it’s your imperfections which make you perfect. In doing these things, I promise that you will have a completely new view on life and will no longer allow others to determine how you feel about yourself. It’s a step by step process so take time with yourself but the end result will be worth it as the new you will be someone truly BEAUTIFUL.